ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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