I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Randomize
