You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
