Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My pussy is not your playground.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
