It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
