Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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