when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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