if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize