I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
