You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
