fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
