the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
