wat bout pragnant strippers??
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
