Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
