youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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