who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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