even my farts smell like vagina
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
