Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
