yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize