Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
