Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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