im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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