I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
