I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
