apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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