then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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