Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
