do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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