I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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