i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
