So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
