I have demons in me.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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