What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
