Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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