how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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