I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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