The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
