OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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