So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
