drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
