So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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