Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
