Those balls look pretty dangerous.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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