walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
