im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
