At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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