HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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