Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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