I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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