You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
