can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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