Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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