Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
