Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize