I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
