I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
