Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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