Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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