i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am spending my child support on dildos
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
