i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
