your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just cropdusted the office
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
