have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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