Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
