Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
